Rory, United States (he/him)
“They will never erase us. Trans people have existed as long as there have been people.”
Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?
I first realized that something wasn't quite right when I was really young, 6 or so. I remember standing in front of the mirror, pulling my hair back, trying to think of what I would look like if I were a boy. I didn't really know trans people were a thing until years later -- maybe 13?
I never really felt comfortable with my body, though. I used to wish that something would happen, cancer or some terrible accident that would give me the excuse to flatten my chest.
How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?
I started socially transitioning when I was 14. I hadn't quite figured out that I was a guy yet, but even taking the first few steps cementing myself as "not a girl" were immensely freeing. I got my first binder a couple months before I started high school. I started HRT in junior year, as soon as I got my parents to agree with it -- and I write this now a week into my recovery from top surgery.
Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?
They were incredible, especially HRT. I hid my face for most of high school, and once I started testosterone I built up the confidence to finally show myself, as me; the me I wanted to be. The severe depression I felt for most of my teenage years lifted almost immediately. My voice drop was amazing. I love being able to hear recordings of my voice without cringing -- I finally sound like me. And now, after top surgery, a literal and figurative weight has been lifted off my chest. I've never felt more like myself.
What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?
I'd tell him straight up that he was a boy, and encourage him to start puberty blockers. When I first tried to get blockers, I was informed that it was too late -- and I had to wait another year to start testosterone.
I might also recommend a couple books. I've always been an avid reader.
Overall, though, I am proud of and happy with the person I've become.
Is there anything else you'd like to share?
It gets better. Even in the darkest moments, when it feels like you're trapped in a body that will never fit you, there's always a way out. And they will never erase us. Trans people have existed as long as there have been people.
Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?
Yes.