C, United Kingdom (he/they)

“I think I would want my younger self to know that it is possible to really live and be present and not just exist.“

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

25. I had a lot of difficult and complicated feelings for most of my life that I had largely assumed was just how everyone felt all the time. I had such a strong and visceral objection to the idea of living my life as someone’s wife that I had to really truly dig into where and what I was feeling.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

I experimented with preferred name and pronouns - I have gone through a few! And changed various things about my presentation. Binding, chopped my hair etc. It has taken me a long time to be able to access HRT, but I started that when I was 29 (coming up to 4 years ago).

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

Yes. I like the changes to my body! I like how I look! I like the necessity of shaving and having stubble. I love what testosterone has done for me and am excited for changes to come. <3

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

I think I would want my younger self to know that it is possible to really live and be present and not just exist. I would also introduce them to the concept of trans masculinity and trans men - I had no idea they were things people could be until my twenties and it probably would have nudged me to the right path for me earlier if I’d known! (I am SO glad younger people have better education, representation and resources these days.)

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

I am posting this as someone who started transitioning in England and it’s why I’m tagging this as England/UK even though I live elsewhere now.
If you’re able to afford or budget for it, please do look into private options for accessing HRT due to the atrocious state of NHS pathways. This shouldn’t be the case and I hope it doesn’t remain the case, but “NHS waiting times are insane, can’t help you” isn’t the start and end of it. You can access healthcare.

Also, I have top surgery this year - I’m excited as I am anxious (it is a big surgery after all)!

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.