Elijah, Canada (he/him)

“I would tell my younger self to hold on tight and never give up the fight, but that it's okay to choose safety.“

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

It was right around Thanksgiving 2023. At this point, I had already figured out my gender did not match my SAB and had been (somewhat reluctantly) out as non-binary for a few years. My at-the-time girlfriend and I were hanging out with some friends. We had all partaken in some form of the devil's lettuce and were standing around chatting. I was lost in my own thoughts when I overheard my girlfriend talking to someone in the third person masculine. Unbeknownst to me, she was talking about her roommate, but in that moment, something clicked. Gender euphoria unlocked. That was that; a simple misunderstanding is what led me to figure out I was a man at the ripe age of 22.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

I had already been binding for some time and had cut my hair short a few weeks prior, so not much changed. I started coming out to people around me and got on HRT shortly after. I was lucky enough to already have a psychiatrist and health team that were both well-versed in transgender care and who knew me well, so getting care was never a worry of mine (I was also very fortunate to be transitioning as an adult in a state which had, at the time, good protection for trans health care).

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

It took about a year and a half after starting testosterone for me to settle into myself. I have always struggled with depression and SI, and that did not go away overnight. I think getting top surgery in 2025 was the biggest change for me. My birth family is still not supportive, but I have built my own family and support system that has been with me every step of the way.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

This is a complicated question. I did not grow up in a welcoming environment. Homophobia was rampant, and I was actively pushed away from queerness by my parents. I came out as liking women when I was 17 or so, not having known any queer people until then. I wish I had gotten a boyhood, or at least a more openly queer childhood, but that would not have been safe. I was fortunate that, as long as I wore dresses when required, I was never forced into femininity growing up. I guess I would tell my younger self to hold on tight and never give up the fight, but that it's okay to choose safety.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

It does get better. I have not had an easy go of it, and there is still hardship to come, but nothing and no one can ever take away my joy.

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.