Jory, Canada (he/they/she)

“Nothing about you is wrong <3”

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

I always felt different. Expected gender roles and expression felt like a performance I would never be good at. I accepted from a young age that I would never fit in, though I didn't really know why. I grew up in a small town and didn't have much exposure to any sort of diversity. As a teenager I started to realize I might be queer or bisexual but it took me years to learn how to open up to people. I was in and out of therapy through my teen and university years, tried a bunch of antidepressants in my 20s, but self-medicating and finding people I could actually relate to were the only things that truly helped. My internet friends during the pandemic and the general state of the world helped me to really see the nuance in everything, and that was around when I realized I was nonbinary. I started experimenting with different pronouns and eventually a more gender-neutral name as well; I felt more like myself than ever.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

When I was 23 I realized I'm autistic. I did a ton of research (and was finishing my psychology degree by this point) and made a big document linking these things to my own personal experiences and sent it to my parents. My relationship with them was rocky for a few years because we just didn't understand each other. They were very supportive, and making that step also helped encourage me to "figure myself out" even more. The following summer, I worked up the courage to book an appointment at my university health centre's gender-affirming clinic. At this point my chest was making me incredibly dysphoric so getting a referral for top surgery was my priority. However, after finding out how long the waitlists were and discussing all of my options, I decided to start a low dose of testosterone in the meantime. The voice drop and other changes within the first few months were amazing for me, but also obvious enough that I knew I would have to come out to my family. I was scared shitless but I typed up another letter laying everything out on the table for my parents, attached some useful resources and emailed it to them. I texted them telling them I sent them something important that I wanted them both to read, and to take their time to process everything. I'm very glad I did it that way because I wouldn't have been able to say everything out loud without forgetting things, chickening out, shutting down, or breaking down crying. I also didn't want to see their initial reaction. They were a bit shocked, but have been overwhelmingly supportive ever since. The sense of relief and pure joy from their positive reaction took weeks to wear off, and I'm forever grateful for them and their willingness to continually learn.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

I only ended up waiting about a year and a half for my top surgery, and I'm now over 7 months post-op. It's been life-changing. I went swimming for the first time in over a decade this summer. The feeling of water on my bare chest, not having to wear a shirt or bra if I don't want to, and wearing clothes I didn't feel comfortable in before -- it's truly the best. I'm staying on T for now as well, I eventually want to maybe get a minor top surgery revision and chest tattoos. It makes me happy to present as more androgynous/fluid. I don't mind being perceived as fem, but I also don't want to be put in any sort of box. I'm just me. I haven't changed my IRL name and I don't really plan to; it's already kind of unisex anyway. I mostly use the name Jory online and with some close friends, but both feel like me. So I don't have a deadname and you also can't misgender me :p

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

Nothing about you is wrong <3 the way you experience the world is valid, just different from other people's. It might take time to find people who really understand and care about you, but you have more time than you know to build the life you want and deserve.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

Being loved unconditionally is something that every single person deserves to feel, but especially trans folks. If your friends and family don't love you unconditionally, I hope you've found a chosen family that does. If you haven't yet, please just keep looking. Experiencing hard things doesn't mean you can't be successful in life. You have so much to give the world and there is so much beauty for you to experience too.

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.