Will, New Zealand (he/him)
“It takes time and it is slow. Be patient, readers.”
Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?
Figuring out I was transgender was a long journey, mainly because I pushed against the idea for a long time. I also didn't realize it was a real option for me. When I was 27, my wife came out as transgender. I had already been questioning my gender more and had kind of settled on being gendefluid - that was more comfortable, as it meant I didn't need to transition, I could just continue on as I had been. So I was still denying my identity when my wife came out. She showed me that transition was a real possibility, even for myself. I eventually settled on transmasc as my label nearly a year later, after my wife came out.
How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?
I made changes as part of self discovery and figuring out my label. I bought a binder and cut off a significant amount of hair in the first 6 months after my 27th birthday. After that point I started considering myself transmasc. I didn't start HRT until right after I turned 28, mainly due to lingering doubt. I socially changed my name and pronouns within a couple months of starting HRT, after several months of trialing them. I legally changed these later that year, as a promotion at work to being a supervisor, it was easier to have these fully legally changed so my new name could be in our computer systems. A week after I turned 29, I got top surgery.
Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?
As I now near 31, just a month away from that birthday, I can say I am living fully as my gender. With HRT, my gender identity label did shift from nonbinary/transmasc to binary transmasc. It no longer feels awkward to use he/him pronouns. People assume my gender correctly. Outside of bottom dysphoria, I have very minimal dysphoria. I thought I didn't have dysphoria before, but when you're just numb to your identity, you don't tend to realize how much dysphoria you do have. That's why many of my changes were just doing what I wanted to try and following what made me happy.
What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?
If I were to have a chance to sit down with my younger self and have a chat, I would sit down with me at age 13. This is when I began experiencing body dysphoria. I had social dysphoria before, but being able to categorize myself as a "tomboy" was enough for younger me. 13 is when I questioned for the first time if I was the right gender.
I would tell myself this:
What you are feeling is not normal for a girl. I know your asked that question and got told it was normal. You need to know that transgender people exist, they're people who's gender doesn't match your birth sex. Doesn't that sound just a bit familiar to what you've been thinking? Also, you don't have to want a phalloplasty to be trans. The earlier you embrace this, the earlier you'll be happy as yourself. Though beware, your family will not accept this, so tread until you're safe. When you're depressed, know that it will get better.
Is there anything else you'd like to share?
A year ago we moved from the USA to NZ. This move was done for primarily Trans- related reasons. We lived in Missouri and felt unsafe, we got out right after Trump was elected for a second presidency. So majority of my transition happened prior to moving, while New Zealand marks my post transition/passing life. I've never been misgendered here, the only people who know I'm trans are the ones I've told. It feels quite odd to pick up life in a new place and be able to integrate with my gender. So while I still hesitate to use the bathroom or question if my voice is passing (it is according to everyone else), that worry is less and hopefully will continue to minimize as time goes on. I've been on T for nearly 3 years... there's still some changes that are happening. It takes time and it is slow. Be patient, readers. Also, if you think you might be trans and are reading this, you probably are trans. My biggest advice is to worry about the label later, make the changes you want now.
Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?
Yes.