Aron, Germany (he/him)

“It's your way. Your journey. And you choose the way and you choose how fast you walk. And you are strong.”

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

I was about 16 or 17. When I was growing up gender didn't really matter. I had a pink phase and I played with dolls. But I also ran through the mud and helped out at my best friends farm. When I got a little older I was constantly jealous of my brother. He got all the cool presents and clothes. Often I'd find myself taking stuff from his wardrobe and if I wasn't reading then I probably was playing lego or we were fighting on the trampolin. I didn't consider myself any gender but I did picture myself as growing up without getting into female puberty. When I found out I'd grow breasts, that hit me hard. It still took me a while to understand what was going to come. Or rather THAT it was going to come. And I didn't know that it wasn't a fatal thing, set in stone. I didn't know that I didn't have to live my life as a woman.

First I learned that being not a woman was an option for me. I did know about transgender before, but having been raised in a little, conservative village I did have some questionable views of the world. When I met other genderqueer people I learned that I could be trans too. That thats an actual real world thing.

Then the process began. First I just identified as non binary. But thats when the social dysphoria started. I was too shy to ask for different pronouns and it was so hard choosing a name. So I just stuck with female pronouns and my old name. When I was about 17 that changed though.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

I was feeling more and more dysphoric about my name (which I have always hated) and about female pronouns, so I asked for different pronouns (but living in another conservative village ofc nothing happened) and I started going by my second name (Alva. It's a unisex name but more commonly used for girls) and looking for a name. I had quite a few and it was so hard. First I chose Fynn, then Arlo but then I landed on Aron.
I realised that being a guy doesn't mean being a toxically masculine matcho and that I can be my own definition of a guy. Since then I've been identifying as a boy. If I'd go in deeper I'd say I am a demiboy but (boy and agender) but I feel most comfortable being perceived as a boy even tho gender still doesn't mean much to me.

I moved to a bigger city and just went with it. I came out in school and at work on the first day and the people close to me I talked to about it. My girlfriend (whos bi and met me while still identifying as non binary) is with me on every step I take and her family is super supportive (much more my family than my own has ever been) even if her mom isn't fully on board she still loves me and tries and I'm eternally greatful for that.
Now gender brings me joy and euphoria. Mostly the body hair tbh. I am on minoxidil and hoping to start T soon (finding a doctor to prescribe it is the hard thing here tho) and I am going to have my mastectomy as soon as possible.

Ofc there are still bad days with lots of dysphoria and since like 2 month now I've started to have bottom dysphoria really bad, but its my journey and I know that it's worth it.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

Very much so. Looking into the mirror, what I see is I getting closer and closer to me every week. I am even growing my hair out again (really loved having long hair). And I discovered I love the colour purple.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

That it's all okay. It's okay to doubt and it's okay to change it all over again. It's okay to need a few tries to get it right and it's okay to figure out with time. It's your way. Your journey. And you choose the way and you choose how fast you walk. And you are strong.

I really hope my stories is helping you guys. I know that your stories have helped me. Knowing that you didn't have to have had the stereotypical trans childhood and that having doubts and not being certain of everything doesn't make you any less of a man.

That's why I've written in such detail.
You're good the way you are!
Do what makes you happy.
And don't be scared of all the what ifs. (Otherwise the head is already shipwrecked before the storm even started).

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

Thanks for reading my story
- Aron :)

Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.