Fox, United States (he/him)

“It makes me feel so much more like myself, like I’m not pretending to be someone I’m not anymore.“

Was there a definitive moment you realized you were trans? How old were you?

I’m 16, and I was 16 when I realized.

Previously I thought I was genderfluid, and from 7th grade to 9th that was how I presented. I always felt like dressing feminine was an obligation. Identifying as genderfluid gave me a way to still dress masculine on some days without it meaning too much. I was out to my parents and friends, constantly reassuring my mother that her daughter was still here, her daughter just dressed like a boy sometimes but I promise your daughter is still here. Don’t be upset you still have your daughter.

When it clicked, at first it felt like a relief. I didn’t have to be a girl. I didn’t have to keep dressing up like one. It felt incredible, I had finally figured out why I felt like how I did.
Then I remembered my parents. Oh god how was I going to tell my mother that she never had a daughter but a son. After reassuring her for years that I was a girl don’t worry, I’ll wear men’s clothing sometimes but you’ll buy it for me because you know I’ll also wear the dresses in an unspoken exchange. How do I tell her. I started with my friends. They were incredibly supportive, giving me enough encouragement to tell my sister. I cried when I told her. She called me her little brother. I haven’t told my mom. I don’t know when I will. I figured I’d tell both my parents when I am leaving for college, or perhaps when I’m 18 or 20. Old enough to justify my own identity. I’m not sure if they would believe me now. I’m not sure how much longer I can wait without telling my mother. I don’t know what to do.

How soon after did you start to make changes? What were these changes?

I stopped dressing femininely shortly after I realized. I dressed femininely for a few days then stopped and never wanted to go back. I think when I start taking testosterone and have had the surgeries I want, I’ll begin dressing femininely again, with dresses and makeup and skirts, but I can’t deal with looking like a girl in those clothes. I want to look like a man wearing a dress or makeup, not a girl. I’m working on acquiring minoxidil from a trans friend, which should help a lot. Not sure how I’ll explain the hair growth to my parents. I think I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Have these changes started to make you feel more comfortable in your life and body?

Yes. It makes me feel so much more like myself, like I’m not pretending to be someone I’m not anymore.

What would you tell your younger self? Would you do anything differently?

I’d tell him that he’s a boy, and that it’s gonna get better. That would save me a lot of trouble.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

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Have the gender-affirming steps you’ve taken impacted your overall happiness and sense of well-being?

Yes.